As magistrate of this village...
it is my duty to warn you that Hi Chung, the bandit, is on his way here.
Thank you for telling us.
- Shall I pack? - No.
- But, Alfred- - We are missionaries.
Providence sent us here to fight evil, not flee from it.
Will you allow me to take little Ching-Ching out of harm's way?
Barbara will remain here with us.
And I wish you would not refer to her as Ching-Ching.
Mr. Kruikshank, you may do as you wish with your own life...
but Ching- Barbara is a child.
Her honorable parents were my friends.
I know...
but they did not desert their post when danger threatened.
No. And they were killed.
Please. Alfred.
I have decided.
Greetings, most honorable Sun Lo.
Greetings, Ching-Ching.
May your shadow lengthen always in the sun of happiness.
Thank you.
May the bird of prosperity continue to nest in your rooftop.
I hope you will always remember the sayings of our wise men.
I will because you taught them to me.
It was a great privilege to instruct the daughter of my friends-
your honorable father and mother.
Friendship is a tree of shelter from the rains of trouble.
Yes.
And so it is my wish to protect you from trouble...
that may be here very soon.
- What kind of trouble? - Bad men.
- There will be looting and destruction. - Oh!
I have arranged for Chang to take you...
to the home of my honorable brother in Shanghai.
Shanghai? Oh, that's wonderful!
I remember all the beautiful stories my daddy used to tell me about it.
But...
I'm afraid I'll have to ask Mr. Kruikshank for his permission.
You know, he's awfully strict with me.
Don't worry about that, my little one.
I will satisfactorily explain for you.
You will? Oh, thank you, most honorable Sun Lo.
Good-bye, my little friend.
I shall see you very soon.
And until then, the memory of you...
will bloom like a flower in the garden of my heart.
Shh. I know you're hungry, but stop barking.
Your stomach has no ears.
Where's Chang?
Chang.
Oh, Chang.
Chang.
I guess he went for breakfast.
And that's what you want, isn't it?
Hey! Hey!
As Sun Lo says, "One cannot eat gold, but one cannot eat without it. "
Come on, Mr. Wu. We'll find something to eat.
No, no, no.
Is there anyone here who speaks English? I want to buy something.
Look, I want to buy...
a dragon's head.
Head. Though I can't imagine why.
No. Me likee buy one piecee dragon head.
Catch on?
Lookee. Dragon.
Head. See?
Isn't there anyone around here who can understand English?
I can, mister.
Well, hello there.
You wouldn't by any chance be able to understand Chinese too, would you?
Can you ask him how much he wants for this?
He says $15.
- Fifteen dollars. - No, no!
- What's wrong now? - He's trying to cheat you.
The price is five dollars. Look.
Oh, yes, so it is.
Five dollars.
Huh?
As Sun Lo says, "All things have two prices.
One for the foolish. "
You know, you look so young, but you talk so old.
- How come? - In a junk from Sanchow.
No, I meant how come you- Oh, well.
I guess we don't talk the same language- in more ways than one.
You've been so nice to me. I'd like to buy you something.
What shall it be?
Come on. What would you like?
A soup bone.
- A what? - A soup bone for my dog.
He's awful hungry.
You'll never get ahead in life if you go around asking for bones.
Look, do you think your mother would mind...
if you, uh, joined us in a soup bone?
I haven't got any mother.
Oh.
Well, your father or family?
- I haven't any family. I haven't even got Chang. - Who's Chang?
He brought me from Sanchow, and then he ran away with my money.
Oh, a lady in distress. Just my specialty.
Well, you come along with us to lunch...
and then you can tell me all about it.
Thank you, but I couldn't eat any lunch.
- Why not? - 'Cause I haven't had breakfast yet.
Madam.
Menu, please.
There's the menu up there.
- No, it's all Greek to me. - No, it's Chinese.
Well, you go ahead and order for Mr. Wu and your Uncle Tommy.
All right.
Those things cost a lot. Have you got enough money?
Too much, so I'm told.
I told him to make it two soup bones.
Do you live here, Uncle Tommy?
No. I'm just here for today. My boat sails tonight.
- Going home? - No. Just traveling around. No place in particular.
- You must be an orphan too. - No, unfortunately not.
You mean you don't like your father and mother?
Well, it seems that we get along better...
with a couple of thousand miles between us.
So there they are, and here I am...
and everybody's happy... more or less.
There you are, Mr. Wu.
Tsk, tsk, tsk. You certainly are extravagant, Ching-Ching.
Thank you.
What's "stravagant" mean, Uncle Tommy?
That means you're pretty nice.
- Then I think you're stravagant too. - Thank you.
I promised to pick up some friends here.
Before I drive them back to the boat, I'm gonna get you straightened out.
- Will you wait? - Sun Lo says, "Patience is like wealth.
Many talk about it, but few possess it. "
Sun Lo's quite a conversationalist, isn't he?
- I don't know, but he talks a lot. - Aw.
Ah! Hail to the chief!
- Hello, Tommy! - Kay.
- Tommy, darling. - Dora.
- Ah! - Colonel, have you been drinking?
Oh, a mere aperitif. A soupçon of brandy.
Yes, master?
Bring us flagons of your rarest nectar...
and bring it with the speed of an antelope.
We perish. We swoon.
Yes, master. Black Label all around?
- Right. - Not for me.
Do these old ears hear aright?
Could it be possible that Thomas, the pride of the Randalls, has refused a drink?
- Right. - My boy, are you ill?
Uh-uh. In fact, I'm still under the spell of a good woman.
Mr. Wu! Mr. Wu!
You come back here this very minute.
Mr. Wu!
Mr. Wu! Mr. Wu!
Tell me, Tommy, now where did you find this good woman?
I didn't know there were any more left.
Well, come on outside, and I'll introduce you. But remember, I saw her first.
What about us? Can't we go too?
Sure. Come on. It'll do you good.
Now, remember, Colonel, none of your Rabelaisian lip.
This girl has led a very sheltered life.
My good fellow, as if I ever said anything...
that would raise a faint blush on the cheek of-
Hmm. Looks like she stood you up.
Nice goings-on, I must say.
Ah, here she is. Hey.
Why don't you go all the way in? Maybe she's down cellar.
- That's funny. - Well, at least she left you the car.
Sometimes they don't even do that.
- She must be around someplace. - Come on. Let's go on in.
When you find her, just yell, because we'll be at the bar.
Now, let her go, lad.
Better fish in the sea.
You know, this reminds me of an experience I had in Kansas City.
I met this little lady- very fine, very demure.
Mr. Wu, you oughta be ashamed.
Swish. Swish.
Just like a lullaby, hey, Colonel?
A Chinese lullaby.
Oh, there you are, Mr. Randall, sir.
Little Lord Fauntleroy.
Go away, Atkins. I don't want to talk to you.
No, please, sir. Your car-We must get it aboard at once.
The captain's holding up the boat, sir.
All on account of you, Atkins.
You're a heedless, thoughtless butterfly.
No consideration for others. No-
I thought so. Colonel, this man's been drinking.
Now, please, sir, please. We must hurry, sir. Now, please.
- See here. Oh! - Steady, Atkins. Steady.
Now, now, Tommy. We mustn't be too harsh with him.
I used to have an uncle that drank.
- It's a madness in the blood. - Yeah.
Please, sir. I can walk for myself, sir.
You'll be all right, but you mustn't shout like that.
No, you've been over-imbibing, ain't ya?
We'll get you back on the boat safe and sound.
Really, sir. I'm quite all right.
I can really get there by myself, thank you, sir.
Aktins, you're a disgrace. Get in there.
- It's quite all right. - Get in, Tommy, and hold him there.
- I can do it all myself, sir. - The man goes out and gets drunk.
- I'm not drunk. I assure you. - Are you sober enough to drive?
- I'm all right, sir. - Look out!
I could've sworn I heard something.
- I bet it's a stowaway. - Who's there?
If there's anybody down here, let's find 'em.
You search behind the sacks. You too.
You check behind the cars.
Steward! Steward!
We found a stowaway in the hold, sir. But he got away.
Very well.
Jenkins, spread a general alarm.
- We seem to have stowaways aboard. - At once, sir.
Come in.
- Right there, steward. - Yes, missy.
You were told to watch for stowaways before we sailed.
- I did, sir. - Well, if we find one, you'll be out of a job.
You can come back for these things in half an hour, steward.
Yes, missy.
And mind you, he was only 12.
Richard spoke up as quick as a flash.
And what do you think he said, Susan?
He said, "You may use my bicycle, Geraldine.
I love sport, but I love the principles of manhood more. "
Oh. I'm afraid I'm boring you.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Hope, but Richard told me that story three times.
And you've told it- - I tell it not because Richard happens to be my son.
I tell it merely because I believe that you...
as his future wife, might be interested.
Apparently, I was mistaken. Mark my words, Susan.
The time will come when you'll be just as devoted to Richard-
But I am devoted to him. Only-
Only you have a peculiar way of demonstrating your devotion.
Hmm!
Oh! Who's in there?
Help!
Help! Help!
- What happened? - There's a man in there!
- What's wrong? - There's a man in there.
- The stowaway. - He growled at me.
Come out of there!
Come out of there, or I'll blow you out!
Well, I'll be.
Oh, the poor little thing. We frightened her.
She's frightened us.
What's your name?
- In Chinese or American? - What?
In American, it's Barbara Stewart.
And in Chinese, it's Ching-Ching.
- What are you doing here? - Hiding.
Hiding. Why?
The man said I was a stowaway.
Well, are you?
L- I guess so.
What's a stowaway?
Say, how did you ever get on this ship anyway?
I don't know.
I never heard of such a thing in all my life.
I can't understand it.
- Neither can I. - Oh! Please don't be impertinent.
Oh, she didn't mean to be.
- Did you, dear? - No, I didn't.
- What's all this hullabaloo about? - We found the stowaway, sir.
- Well, where is he? - It's a she, sir.
It's this child here.
What, you?
I guess so.
She doesn't even know how she got aboard, sir.
Well, what am I going to do with you, young lady?
- I'll look after her. - Oh, Susan, don't be absurd.
- She won't be any trouble. - That's fine, Miss Parker.
Bring her up to my quarters after lunch.
We'll have a talk with her and see that she's returned to her people.
- You can return to your post now, Jenkins. - Aye, sir.
See you later, stowaway.
Captain, can we put this, uh, animal in the kennel?
- Oh. - Oh, they'll take good care of him.
You'll give it a big dinner, won't you, Captain?
Why, of course I will. Here.
Don't you worry. I'll take care of it.
It isn't an it, sir. It's a him.
I've never had a dress as nice as this.
The ship's store is full of them.
All you have to do is get this one dirty, and we'll find you another one.
Do you think your mother will like me better...
now that I look so beautiful?
- Mrs. Hope isn't my mother. - No?
Well, that is, not yet.
- See? - Yes, I see.
Don't you think it's about time we turned the child over to the captain?
After all, charity has its limits.
What did you mean when you said you didn't know how you got on this ship?
- You must know. - But I don't. Honestly.
The last thing I remember is that I fell asleep in Uncle Tommy's car.
Uncle Tommy? Tommy who?
Randall. Tommy Randall.
Tommy Randall?
Mm-hmm.
- Why, your Uncle Tommy is on board this ship. - He is?
I might have known you were his niece. He's a problem child too.
I'll take you to him, Ching-Ching.
Considering his reputation, you'd better turn her over to the captain.
Very well.
Well, it seems odd, but with Mr. Randall, nothing surprises me.
- Good morning, Captain. - Good morning, Atkins.
- We'd like to see Mr. Randall. - Mr. Randall's still asleep, sir.
Hmm. Well, it's about time he got up.
Mr. Randall never gets up until 2:00, sir.
I'm sorry, but this is important, so you'd better call him.
Mr. Randall will be very annoyed, sir.
Supposing you tell him there's a very pretty young lady wants to see him.
If I know Tommy Randall, that'll get him up.
Yes, sir. I'm afraid it will, sir.
Won't you be seated, please?
I beg your pardon, sir.
I beg your pardon, sir!
Go away. Far away.
I'm sorry, sir, but there's a young lady to see you.
- Huh? - There's a young lady to see you, sir.
- I think it's rather urgent. - Oh, that's bad.
- She's very beautiful, sir. - Oh? Well, that's not so bad.
- She has a child with her, sir. - Oh, that is bad.
She also has the captain with her, sir. He insists on seeing you.
Oh, that's very bad.
Here you are, sir.
- What's that? - Your checkbook, sir.
Oh.
I don't know what your game is, but it won't work. I never saw you before in my life.
Besides, I have witnesses to account for my whereabouts for the past 27 years.
- Mr. Randall. - Uncle Tommy.
Ching-Ching. What on earth are you-
Please forgive me. I'm awfully sorry. I'm not quite awake yet.
Ching-Ching, what are you doing on this boat?
I'm a stowaway, but I didn't mean to be.
I just waited in your automobile like you said.
- I went out and looked for you. - Well, you see, after a while, it started to rain.
So I got in the back and pulled the cover down.
Aw, you poor kid.
- I'm awfully sorry. - But I like being a stowaway, Uncle Tommy.
This is Susan Parker, my best friend.
He's my best friend too.
- How do you do? - How do you do?
Don't you think she's stravagant?
She's magnificent.
Oh. Thank you.
Charming little niece you have, Mr. Randall.
I'm not really his niece, Susan.
- It's just pretending. - Oh, why-
But aren't you the child's uncle?
No. We met in Shanghai yesterday for the first time.
- Ching-Ching, you told me- - I didn't mean to tell a fib, Susan.
I was just scared, and I knew Uncle Tommy would help me.
Oh, you know I will.
I'm sorry, Captain, to have caused all this trouble...
but I'll accept full responsibility.
I'll be only too glad to pay for her passage.
I'll have to communicate with her people.
From what she tells me, she has no people.
In fact, Captain, she has all the earmarks of a waif.
But she must have someone. She didn't live in China by herself.
I lived with the Kruikshanks, but they won't care if I stay here.
Who are the Kruikshanks, dear?
They're missionaries in Sanchow.
Make a note of that name and get in touch with them through the American consul.
In the meantime, Captain, I'll look after her.
And this time, I really mean it.
I'm inclined to think that Miss Parker would be better company for the child.
Oh, he's good company too.
Well, now maybe you had better go with Miss Parker.
You can call her Susan, like I do.
Can't he, Susan?
Well, I suppose so.
Well, I'll see you later then, Ching-Ching.
- And, I hope, you too, Susan. - Thank you.
- Bye, Uncle Tommy. - Good-bye, darling.
Good-bye, Uncle Tommy.
Uncle Tom's cabin.
- I can't understand it, Atkins. - Understand what, sir?
Your gross neglect of your duties.
The most beautiful girl in the world is on this ship, and you never told me.
Men have been court-martialed for less.
Begging your pardon, sir, but you don't usually have to be told.
Oh. Who is she?
I don't know, sir, but you met her mother in the dining room on Monday night.
- I did? - Unhappily, sir.
- I didn't, uh-
You did, sir.
- Let me have it, Atkins. - You emptied a bottle of champagne in her lap, sir.
Now, now. Come, come, Atkins.
You can do better than that. You're not even trying.
I thought it was rather good, sir.
Perhaps you can suggest something else that I can imitate better.
Well, let me see. Oh-
- Sleepy? - Mm-hmm.
Why, it's not 10:00 yet. The shank of the evening.
You'll never be popular if you fold up right after dinner.
Begging your pardon, sir...
but I think it's customary for little children...
to retire rather early.
Is it really your bedtime, Ching-Ching?
- Mm-hmm. - Oh.
Atkins, prepare Miss Ching-Ching for bed.
Me, sir?
- I don't know anything about undressing children. - Sir, I've never done this.
- There always has to be a first time for everything. - Oh, sir, this is very awkward.
Please, Uncle Tommy. I can undress myself. I always do.
- I wish I could say the same. - Oh, thank you, miss.
Now you close your eyes. Come on.
Atkins, a lullaby for Miss Ching-Ching.
A what, sir?
A lullaby.
You know, a vocal Mickey Finn.
Sir, I can't sing a lullaby.
Atkins, you're one of the most untalented persons I've ever met.
You can't do imitations. You can't sing.
How do you ever entertain your friends?
- I can try, sir. - Very well. Start crooning.
One, two-
♪Lullaby baby on the treetop♪
♪Poor lullaby baby on the treetop♪
♪Poor lull♪ - Oh, please, please, please. You'll give her nightmares.
Perhaps you could do better yourself, sir.
♪Rock-a-bye, baby♪
♪On♪
I guess I'm not in very good voice tonight.
I know a lullaby my mommy used to sing me. I'll teach it to you.
Things have come to a pretty pass...
when a baby has to sing herself to sleep.
Sit down, Atkins.
Very well, Ching-Ching. Go ahead.
♪Good night, my love♪
♪Your mommy is kneeling beside you♪
♪Good night, my love♪
♪To dreamland the sandman will guide you♪
♪Come now, you sleepyhead♪
♪Close your eyes Go to bed♪
♪My precious sleepyhead♪
♪You must play♪
♪Peekaboo♪
♪Good night, my love♪
♪Your little Dutch dolly is yawning♪
♪Good night, my love♪
♪Your teddy bear called it a day♪
♪Your dog is fast asleep♪
Tsk, tsk. ♪My, but he's smart♪
♪Sleep tight, my love♪
♪Good night, my love♪
♪God bless you Pleasant dreams♪
♪Sweetheart♪
- Shall I - Shh!
I didn't make any noise.
- Is she asleep? - Not yet.
Well, you should be. Good night, darling.
Good night, Aunt Susan. Good night, Uncle Tommy.
Good night, darling.
Good night, Atkins.
You've been very sweet to that child, Mr. Randall.
- Good night. - Good night?
Don't tell me you go to bed at 10:00 too?
- Well, I- - Let me see you to your stateroom.
- It's only four doors away. - You better let me come with you.
You might meet somebody. You know, footpads, thugs- people like that.
It's not safe for a girl to be out alone after dark on the ocean.
It's beautiful.
Yes, beautiful.
- And so peaceful. - Mm-hmm.
Peaceful too.
It's really almost overdone, isn't it?
Moonlight on the water, stars in the sky, music.
They might have at least had the decency to omit the music.
Yes, everything is here...
including you... and me.
Taken altogether, that spells romance.
- Not for me. - Why not?
- Well, romance takes two. - Well, there are two here.
Yes, but not the right two. You see, I'm engaged.
Oh.
- To Richard Hope- Mrs. Hope's son, you know. - Yes, I know.
He's meeting the boat at Bangkok. We're to be married there.
Mm-hmm? And why Bangkok?
Well, he lives there. He's with an exporting firm.
- Exporting what? - Oh, ivory, apes, peacocks.
Things like that.
He came out here two years ago, and he's worked very hard.
You mean to say you've been engaged for two years...
and you haven't seen him in all that time?
Oh, you Latins. What a hot-blooded race you are.
Well, Richard isn't quite like that.
Anyway, we've known each other since we were children.
Oh, I see. Well, I must say it all sounds very lyrical.
Well, it may not be exactly lyrical.
Me, of course, I've never been engaged.
Not definitely, that is.
- But if I were to be, I'm sure I'd- - "Not definitely" is right.
I seem to recall something in the newspapers.
"Millionaire Playboy Sued for Breach of Promise. "
Oh, I practically won that suit. She only got $10,000.
Poor kid. She'd been counting on 50.
$10,000? That's more than Richard earns in a year.
Oh, you shouldn't be so narrow.
After all, I can't help it if I've been cursed with wealth.
Not that it isn't as nice a curse as anyone could ask for.
Have you ever worked for a living?
- Pardon? - You know, work-what most people do.
Oh, work. Of course. Of course. I worked for my father, and-
Why should I take a job away from someone else who needs it?
I sacrifice myself for the good of humanity. See?
Do you know what you are?
No, but I have an uneasy feeling you're about to tell me.
- You're a museum piece. - What?
You should be in a glass case in an exhibit of the Terrible Twenties...
with a cocktail shaker in your hand...
and your shirtfront scrawled with chorus girls' telephone numbers...
and a label: "Playboy, B.C. - Before the crash.
Former habitat: Broadway. Now extinct. "
Mmm. You don't exactly pull your punches, do you?
Would it please you to know that at the moment...
I feel about that high and six years old?
You should grow up. That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Oh, but forget it. At least forget it for now.
I'm really not a reformer always.
Anyway, beneath that too-smooth exterior...
beats a heart of gold, I think.
It's beating awfully fast right now.
Good night.
Sing it. There's no one here but you and me...
and the China Sea.
Oh, but it's a love song. Just doesn't fit the occasion.
That's all right. It's only a popular song.
Besides, you didn't write the words.
And I'm warning you, if you don't sing it, I will.
You win.
♪Good night, my love♪
♪The tired old moon is descending♪
♪Good night, my love♪
♪My moment with you now is ending♪
♪It was so heavenly♪
♪Holding you close to me♪
♪It will be heavenly♪
♪in a dream♪
♪The stars above♪
♪Have promised to meet us tomorrow♪
♪Till then, my love♪
♪How dreary the new day will seem♪
♪So, for the present, dear♪
♪We'll have to part♪
♪Sleep tight, my love♪
♪Good night, my love♪
♪Remember that you're mine♪
♪Sweetheart♪
Susan!
- Uh, good night. - Good night.
And, uh, good night to you too.
Good night.
- See that this is sent at once. - Yes, ma'am.
How long do we have here, purser?
- Twelve hours, madam. - Thank you.
This would be nice for the little girl.
- Do you like that, Ching-Ching? - I think it's beautiful.
All right. We'll take that too.
Uncle Tommy, when I get big, I'm gonna marry a man like you.
Aren't you, Aunt Susan?
Darling, when you grow up, there aren't gonna be any men like him.
He's a dying race- the last of the easy spenders.
A nice jade bracelet for the lady?
- No, thank you. - What a perfect piece of jade.
- It is lovely. - Good. It's all yours. Wrap it up.
Send it to the steamer with the rest of the packages.
- Tommy, I couldn't accept it. - It's all right, Susan.
Mr. And Mrs. Kruikshank are good people...
and they take anything shoes, potatoes, rice.
See? I guess if Ching-Ching says it's all right.
Mm-mm. Not even for Ching-Ching.
All right, but you're being very silly.
- You know where we're going now? - Mm-hmm. Back to the boat.
She guessed wrong again, didn't she, Uncle Tommy?
You said it. We're going to a show.
- What kind of a show? - Oh, beautiful. Magnificent.
Come in.
- Mother! - Richard!
- Oh. - Mmm!
Why did you cable me? Where's Susan? She's not ill, is she?
- Will you go up on deck and call Miss Parker? - Yes, missy.
No, Richard, she's not ill.
Well, why did you send for me? After all, it's not exactly an inexpensive trip.
I know. I know, dear.
But frankly, the situation was more than I could cope with alone.
What do you mean? Heavens, Mother, don't build it up.
Did you ever hear of a man named Tommy Randall?
Randall? The name's familiar.
- It should be. It's been in the papers often enough. - Well, what about him?
He's on this boat.
What's that got to do with Susan?
Well, Richard, your mother's a woman of the world.
You realize that. And she can tell-
She can tell what? Heavens, Mother, we're not getting anyplace.
Mind you, I'm not saying there's been anything wrong between them, but-
Oh, so that's it, is it? Do you mean to say that I've flown here...
just to be told that Susan is having a harmless little ship flirtation?
May be harmless, and it may not.
After all, Richard, Susan's a very headstrong young woman.
Well, marriage will straighten her out.
Just wait till she hears I'm the new assistant manager of the Bangkok branch.
J.B. - J.B. Bradley, I mean. Everybody calls him J.B. -
gave me the promotion as a wedding present.
Just think- my boy an assistant manager.
Why, Richard, it seems only yesterday that you were in curls.
Well, it just shows what hard work, determination...
Come in.
- Too sorry. Missy have go shoreside. - Ashore?
- Yes, missy. - Thank you.
You see? She's with Randall now.
I knew I was right in cabling you. A mother's instinct never fails.
Well, what do you think I should do?
The first thing to do is to find her. I'll get my hat.
Oh, look at the Chinese Major Bowes.
That fella Li Ze Mon used to run a chop suey place on Broadway.
All right, all right, all right.
Bing Crosby.
Ladies and gentlemen, one of our young amateurs...
will now give you imitation of Bing Crosby.
♪Please lend your little ear to♪
♪My pleas♪
♪Lend a ray of cheer to♪
♪My pleas♪ - I learned that song from Sun Lo's phonograph.
I learned lots of them.
♪Me too♪
♪I could find delight in♪
♪Your booby-booby-boo♪
All right, all right, all right.
He wants the people in the audience to get up and give imitations.
He says there's a prize of 10 yuan.
- Where are you going? - If I get the 10 yuan...
then I can buy some presents for you and Uncle Tommy.
- Ching-Ching, no. - Oh, let her go. Nothing can happen to her.
Oh, hello.
What can I do for you?
You can give me the 10 yuan.
You likee sing song?
I would if you don't start ringing that bell.
You know, I think that's why that other gentleman quit.
You know American song?
Yes, I do. It's called "You Gotta S-M-I-L-E."
All right, Professor.
Play "You Gotta S-M-I-L-E."
♪If something may upset you♪
♪Don't ever let it get you down♪
♪Don't wear a frown♪
♪If fortune should forsake you♪
♪Don't ever let it make you sigh♪
♪Keep shooting high♪
♪Be a crooner, not a groaner Never kick♪
♪Here's a spelling lesson that will do the trick♪
♪You've got to S-M-I-L-E♪
♪To be H-A-double P-Y♪
♪Keep it in mind when you're blue♪
♪It's easy to spell and just as easy to do♪
♪You've got to S-M-I-L-E♪
♪It's gonna help considerably♪
♪Just keep your chin up and give it a try♪
♪And you'll find silver-lined clouds in the sky♪
♪You've got to S-M-I-L-E♪
♪To be H-A-double P-Y♪
Ladies and gentlemen, just for fun...
I'd like to sing the song again the way it would be done...
by AIJolson...
Eddie Cantor...
and last but not least, that swingable pair...
Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire.
♪You've got to♪
♪S-M-I-L-E♪
♪Oh, like the birdies pretty birdies up in the trees♪
♪Pretty flowers April showers♪
♪My mammy♪
♪Life is divine♪
♪At a quarter to 9:00♪
♪You simply gotta S-M-I-L-E♪
♪'Cause potatoes are cheaper, you see♪
♪I won't spend a nickel I won't spend a sou♪
♪I just want to spend one hour with you♪
Putt-putt-putt!
♪S-M-I-L-E♪
♪Parkyakarkus with Ida, Mammy♪
Freddie.
Well, I feel the spirit of old Sir Walter Raleigh coming out in me.
You wait here, darling. I'll come back for you.
Hello, Uncle Tommy! Hello, Aunt Susan!
Psst!
I think you better put her down.
Oh, never can tell. Might be more water farther on.
Richard! This is a surprise.
Yes, it's a surprise for me too.
- Oh. - Uh, Tommy- Mr. Randall- this is Mr. Hope.
And this is Miss Ching-Ching Stewart.
- Pleased to meet you. - Richard, I never thought I'd see you here.
- Evidently not. - Weren't you surprised to see him?
Hardly. I sent for him.
That's marvelous. I love surprises, and usually I never get them.
Susan, I think your friends will excuse you.
I'm sorry. I must be going now.
You'll be awfully careful of her, won't you?
Oh, she'll be perfectly all right. I'm sorry if I, uh-
Oh, that's all right. Good-bye, Ching-Ching.
Good-bye.
You like her, don't you?
Well, you can call it that.
I don't see how anybody could have fun with that Mr. Hope.
I'm afraid fun isn't everything, Ching-Ching.
Come on. We're gonna have a good time.
We likee see, uh, one nice piecee tapestry.
This way, please.
- Something like this, sir? - Mm, no.
Let me see that one.
Not bad.
Precious little puppy, you.
You're just like Wufie.
- Thank you, sir. - Come on, Ching-Ching.
- He went that way. - Thank you.
Well, Ching-Ching, where do we go from here?
Hey, where'd you come from?
Ching-Ching? Ching-Ching!
Oh, now wait, wait. This is all a mistake.
Listen. Be reasonable. Ching-Ching!
Oh, there you are, darlin'.
Now wait, wait. Give me a chance to explain.
"If wishes were keys, there would be no prisoners. "
So Sun Lo says.
Good old Sun Lo. Always brightening the corner where he isn't.
Well, it's been fun up till now, but it won't be so funny if we miss that boat.
I bet the captain will be pretty mad.
Well, he must be, or he'd be here by now.
We've got to get out of here.
Well, I guess we'll have to start a rebellion.
Pardon me. Would any of you gentlemen be interested in getting out of this jail?
I said, would- Oh. You speak to them, Ching-Ching.
Tell them about the great outside world.
Ask them how they'd like to see it again.
Well?
They're not interested. They say they like it here.
Oh, that's absurd. Where's their spirit?
Ask 'em are they men or are they mice?
Mice.
Well, at last. Sorry to have caused you so much trouble, Captain.
Now see here, son. I've been very lenient with you.
But there's a limit to everything, and this time you've overstepped it.
- Yes, sir. - If it weren't for this child, I wouldn't be here.
Any news about Ching-Ching and Mr. Randall?
I'm sorry, miss. Not a word.
Oh, I never should have left her with him.
Well, you should have known better.
It's an outrage taking a child of that age out at night in a city like Hong Kong.
Anything could happen.
♪Indeed I do♪
- ♪With a box of popcorn a bag of peanuts and you♪ - Tommy!
To the rescue. I need you.
- Ah, we missed you, darling. - Did you?
- Did you have a good time? - I had a lovely time. You?
- Well, we missed not having you, darling. - Oh, thank you.
- Oh, Tommy, it was such a nice party. - I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.
Tommy, just a little matter of taxi fare.
Could I impose on you?
- Colonel, don't tell me you've been robbed again. - Clean.
Miss Parker, Miss Parker, here they come.
Well, that was better.
Nine and two- 11. Four and three is seven.
Then when he thought I didn't have a card in my hand, I trumped his ace.
You should have seen his face. It was on a redouble, mind you.
- They play a lot of bridge in Bangkok? - Yeah, a great bridge town.
We call it "Bridgeport. "
Eleven. You know, you're really very fortunate, moving with our crowd.
Only last weekJ.B. - J.B. Bradley, I mean- said to me, "Dick"-
He calls me Dick for short. "Dick," he said...
"I'm sure your missus is gonna like it here. "
- You will too. - Oh, I know I will.
Tell her about the house, Richard.
Oh, yes. But of course just a description of it doesn't do it justice.
It's absolutely modern. Lots of closet space. Fully equipped laundry.
You'd be surprised. It's just as good as any house in any American suburb.
And roomy too. Wait, I'll show you.
It's kinda "L" shape.
This is our room. This is Mother's room.
- Mother's? - Yes.
Oh, you think she'd be better off in this one?
I don't know.
Bangkok is a very romantic city, isn't it?
Oh, there are a lot of old temples and places like that.
But our colony doesn't bother with the native things.
We have our own little set. Fine, substantial people too.
Bridge and tennis. You get to know your opponent so well...
you can tell in advance every move he's gonna make.
Oh, that must be interesting.
Susan! Susan!
Darling, you should be taking a nap- you and your dolls.
My dolls are. Shut your eyes and put out your hand.
I have something for you.
All right.
- Susan, where did that come from? - From Uncle Tommy.
- Who? - Oh, I-I asked him not to buy it.
Look. He bought me a bracelet too.
- Why, that must have cost- - $300. I saw the price tag.
- $300? - Mm-hmm.
He wouldn't have spent that much money if he hadn't felt you were interested.
I don't think I need to even answer that, Mrs. Hope.
Of course you'll return it, won't you, Susan?
Certainly. I asked Mr. Randall not to buy it, but he-
Shall I give back my bracelet too?
Uh, no, darling. I think you'd better go take your nap or play or something, huh?
All right.
Still, he might have meant it as a wedding present.
I guess in that case there'd be no harm in your keeping it.
After all, it did cost quite a lot.
Will my boy be happy with a girl like that? Sometimes I wonder.
Of course I will, Mother. Why do you say that?
Oh, I don't know. Susan seems to have changed a great deal lately.
- Well, she'll be all right after we're married. - Hmm.
Well, it's about time we declared an armistice.
I've been feeling terrible, Susan.
Well, this is very pretty, but of course I can't accept it.
Oh. Take back your baubles, is that it?
Now listen, Susan. I think you're being very-
Was it as bad as all that? Don't you like me anymore?
That has nothing to do with it.
Well, don't you?
Not particularly.
You know what you tell me. "Keep your chin up and you'll be okay. "
As Sun Lo says, the strongest man in the world cannot lift a heavy heart.
Why is your heart heavy?
You know that Mr. Hope?
- Well, Susan's gonna marry him. - Ooh.
She'll have Mrs. Hope for a mother-in-law. It'll serve her right too.
Oh, no. Nobody should have Mrs. Hope for a mother-in-law.
Ah. There you are, young lady.
Just the one I want to see. I've got a surprise for you.
As an unshelled nut is to a squirrel, so is a surprise to him who receives it.
Right-o, darling. You're going to leave the ship at Singapore.
- What? - Now supposing you run down below and start to get ready.
Then when you come back, I'll tell you the rest of the surprise.
You ought to give Uncle Tommy a surprise, too, just to make him feel better.
- He's been in the-What was it? - Doghouse.
With Mr. Wu.
- What is all this? - I just received this wireless from Shanghai.
What's the consul gonna do with her?
There's a missionary home for girls in Shanghai.
- He'll probably see that she's placed in it. - Home for girls?
You mean gray uniforms and pigtails?
Ching-Ching was never meant for that.
I know, old man, but I'm afraid it's about all that can be done for her.
Uh, Captain, wait a minute.
This may sound crazy, but why can't I adopt her?
Now see here, son. You're a bachelor, and quite a bachelor.
Why, no court would turn a child over to you.
- You mean it would make a difference if I were married? - Well, naturally.
It's a horrible step.
Well, I don't think you need worry, old man. You haven't got time now.
Excuse me. Have you seen Ching-Ching?
Yes.
- Do you know where she is? - Yes.
Well, would you mind telling me?
She's below, getting ready to leave the ship at the next stop.
Then they're putting her in a home for girls.
She'll be marching in lockstep and eating gruel within a week.
I hope you like it.
- Ah, Tommy. - Ah, tears won't help.
Oh, but surely something can be done.
This can't happen to Ching-Ching.
I don't know.
Wait a minute.
You're gonna marry old sourpuss, aren't you?
- I beg your pardon. - I'm sorry. No offense meant.
Look. I tried to adopt Ching-Ching, but they wouldn't let me because I'm unmarried.
But you're getting married. You could adopt her. - Yes, but Richard might not-
- You don't want her to go to an institution, do you? - Of course not!
Well, then listen. I've gone completely soft about that kid.
Incredible, I know, but true.
I wish you'd adopt her and let me pay for her upbringing until I can take her myself.
And that'll be as quick as I can get to the States and come back with a wife.
Will you do it? It wouldn't be for long. You may not believe it...
but there are quite a few girls back home who'd be willing to marry me.
At least there used to be.
It's not for me. It's for Ching-Ching.
- I'll do it. - I knew you would.
May I speak to you, Susan?
- Pardon me. - Certainly.
Susan, dear, I'm awfully sorry if I annoyed you in speaking of that bracelet as I did.
Imagine my becoming so upset over a mere trinket.
- Absurd, isn't it? - Oh, I was a little upset myself. I'm sorry.
There. That's better. Everything's all right now.
Here we are- the three happy Hopes.
One, two, three, and away we go!
Mother was a little weepy when you stalked out like that.
Somehow she got the idea you'd prefer her not to live with us.
Why, what ever could have given her that idea?
I don't know. But I told her we couldn't get along without her.
- Didn't I, Mother? - Yes, you did, Sonny.
Well, I-I don't suppose we could.
Now that's awfully sweet of you, Susan.
Heaven protect us all from interfering mothers-in-law is what I always say.
Goodness, I was married myself once, and I know what I'm talking about.
Not that Mr. Hope's mother didn't mean well, but then, you know-
Young love.
We do know, don't we?
- Richard. - Yes?
- There's just one thing. - What is it?
Well, I want to adopt little Ching-Ching as soon as we're married. - What?
Who ever heard of such a thing?
Oh, but if I don't, they'll put her in an institution.
- Well, that's what institutions are for. - Oh, Richard, please.
I'm sure Richard doesn't want to start his married life with a ready-made family-
especially with a child called Ching-Ching.
Oh, but it won't be for long. Just until Mr. Randall gets back.
Randall? What's he got to do with it?
Well, you see, it's a favor to him.
He wants to adopt her as soon as he can.
And when he gets back to the States to his family, why, he'll arrange to take her.
- Why should I do Mr. Randall a favor? - Why, indeed?
Oh, but it isn't for him. It's for the little girl. Think of her future.
Don't meddle with other people's destinies, my dear. Forget about this child.
She got along before she met you, and she'll get along after she leaves you.
Dismiss her from your mind completely.
Please, Mrs. Hope. Don't you think Richard and I should settle this by ourselves?
- After all, it concerns us. - Anything that concerns Richard concerns me.
I think Mother's right, Susan.
- You do? - Yes.
- Your mother's right, and I'm wrong? - Well, yes.
That is, I think you're mistaken.
So do I. I've been mistaken about you and me.
- Now, Susan- - Oh, listen. Marriage is for two people.
I'm breaking our engagement.
Richard, she'll come back. Meanwhile, you wait.
The man should always wait. Otherwise, he's weak.
Ching-Ching. Ching-Ching.
Good-bye, Uncle Tommy. The captain says I have to go.
- Oh, no, you don't. - Well, now-
Didn't you say she could be adopted by someone who- - Well, yes, I did-
She's going to be. Here she is now.
Oh, darling.
- Don't I have to go ashore? - Not now. Tell her, Susan.
Miss Parker's getting married, and she's going to adopt Ching-Ching.
But I'm not going to be married.
What? Oh, but you said-
Uh, I think we better go now, darling.
Uh, just a minute.
This isn't really good-bye.
I'll come back for you real soon.
And in the meantime, you won't cry, will you?
No, Uncle Tommy.
But remember: One-
One minute away is- is a century to the hopeful.
I'll remember, Ching-Ching.
Good-bye, sweet.
If you ever come back again, you won't forget to come and see me, will you?
- Mm-mmm. - I'll be in the orphan asylum in Shanghai.
Oh, sure. We'll look you up. Won't we?
Oh, of course we will.
Maybe we'll have some more fun like we had.
We might even go back to jail again.
Yes, we might.
Well, I think I better run along now... before I really cry.
Good-bye!
We can't let this happen to her.
Look, Susan. I've got an idea.
Please don't say no till you hear me out.
I know exactly what you think of me, but that isn't important now.
Listen. Marry me.
Uh, uh, please don't misunderstand. You wouldn't have to put up with me.
It'd just be a marriage in name only.
Soon as we dock in San Francisco, you can go right to Reno and get a divorce.
My lawyers will take care of everything.
I wish you would- for Ching-Ching. It's the only way.
You'd really do that for her?
I'd do anything in the world for her.
- So would I. - Then you will?
Yes.
Uh, hey, bring her back!
What's that?
We're getting married, and we want to adopt her.
Come on, Ching-Ching, darling. We're going back aboard ship again.
Come on, dear. That's it.
Forasmuch as Susan Parker and Thomas Randall...
have consented together in holy wedlock...
and have witnessed the same before this company...
and thereto have given and pledged their troth...
each to the other and have declared the same...
by giving and receiving a ring and by joining hands...
I pronounce that they are man and wife.
Amen.
- All happiness, my dear. Good luck, my boy. - Thank you.
Twice blessed is he who loves both bride and groom, for their happiness is his.
- Congratulations, Mr. Randall. - Thank you.
- Congratulations. - Much joy to you, Mrs. Randall.
- Thank you. - I wish you happiness, Mrs. Randall.
Thank you, Captain. I guess a sailor's knot's as good as city hall's.
There'll be some necessary formalities about the child, of course.
I'll have my lawyer take care of that.
Susan, why did you do this?
Young man, you're talking to my wife.
- Richard, dear, I- - And you told me to wait.
Are you really and truly my parents now?
We're the best you've got, darling.
Sun Lo says, "A child without parents is like a ship without a rudder. "
Sun Lo ever say anything about little girls going to sleep?
Oh, yes.
He said, "Sleep without dreams is given to children for their innocence...
and old men for their wisdom. "
Well, off you go then.
I'm almost too excited to sleep, but I'll try.
- Good night, sweet. - Good night, Aunt Susan. Good night, Uncle Tommy.
Good night, darling. But I'm not your uncle anymore.
- What are you then? - Can't you guess?
I know. You're my father now. Night, Dad.
Good night, honey.
- Good night. - Good night.
Well, here you are.
- And did the stewardess move your things? - Mm-hmm.
She said Mrs. Hope almost bit her.
- I was just going- - I-
- Go ahead. - No, you.
Well, uh, I was just going to say that...
if there was anything you wanted me to do to...
lend credibility to the situation, I'll be glad to do it, you know.
- People will talk whatever we do, so- - Oh, sure. Of course.
Well, I guess I'll be off.
I don't know how to thank you.
I'll try to make things as easy for you as possible.
I'm cabling my lawyers tonight, and you can go direct to Reno as soon as the boat docks.
- Everything's been arranged. - You're very thoughtful.
Not at all, not at all. You'll like Reno. It's a fascinating place.
Lots of fresh air and horseback riding.
Full of nice, emotional people. Oh.
- This is the address you go to. - Thank you.
You're really wonderful.
I suppose you know that.
Well, at the moment, I don't feel very wonderful.
Well, if you must know, I don't feel so good myself.
- Good night, Susan. - Good night, Tommy.
L-
Begging your pardon, sir. Where shall I lay out your pajamas this evening?
Where you laid them last night.
Oh, dear. I'm so sorry, sir.
Come in.
Susan, why didn't you warn me you were going to do this?
Well, I- I didn't have time. Besides, it's too late now.
Well, it's hardly funny, is it?
Not to me.
Well, tell me one thing. You don't love him, do you?
Do you?
No, I don't, but even if I did, it wouldn't make any difference.
Yes, it would. Listen, darling.
I've been a worm. I know that now.
But I've had an understanding with Mother...
and you can have your way from now on- always-
if- if you'll tell me there's a chance.
Aw, no, Richard. It wouldn't work. You know it wouldn't.
You can be nice. You're nice now. But-
- Please, Susan. - Oh, no, really.
L- I'm too confused to talk about it.
I'm even too upset to think about it.
I'll follow you. I'll follow you until you say yes.
Oh, no, Richard. I'd rather you didn't.
Better lock this.
♪One never knows does one♪
♪W hen love will come along♪
♪Then so suddenly♪
♪Life turns out to be a song♪
♪Mmm, mmm♪
♪One never knows does one♪
♪The moment or the place♪
♪Then right before your eyes♪
♪Someone occupies your embrace♪
Someday, look and you'll find two hearts were blessed §
♪Someday, fate may be kind♪
♪Pray for the future♪
♪Hope for the best♪
♪One never knows does one♪
♪That's just the way it goes♪
♪All at once you hear Hold me, caress me♪
♪And then♪
♪Love may come but when♪
♪One never knows♪
♪Does one♪
- Now you stay in here, and I'll wait out in the courtroom. - All right.
- Is this Mrs. Randall? - Yes.
Now, you mustn't be nervous when your case is called.
I've placed you right at the beginning of today's calendar, and meanwhile you can wait here.
That's awfully kind of you, Judge.
You see, this is my first divorce, and I'm a little jittery.
It is a little strange at first, but they all get used to it.
You know, like influenza.
Come.
Right in here, please.
Susan!
Darling, I'm so glad to see you.
Oh, this is a surprise.
But I don't understand.
Well, you see, I, uh, thought I might want another divorce sometime...
and I was sort of curious to see how they made 'em.
Oh, Judge Booth, this is Mr. Randall.
The, uh, husband, I presume.
Yes. And this is my daughter.
- Your daughter? - Adopted.
Oh. How are you, young lady?
Fine, thank you.
To greet one you love is better for the health than medicine.
Well, I declare. That sounds like a Chinese proverb.
Oh, Judge, you haven't heard anything yet.
Well, well, well. Come over here and talk to me. Eh?
I, uh- I tried to stay away, but I found I couldn't.
I had to see you again.
Suppose you and I have our talk in the other room.
Um, will you excuse us for a few moments?
Oh, but would it be proper? I mean, our being left alone together now.
Oh, it's quite customary.
You're looking very well.
- I haven't had a drink in six weeks. - That's wonderful.
No, it isn't. It's terrible.
Still, I'll get along.
And it does show you what the influence of a good woman can do.
- Oh, really? Who is she? - Ching-Ching.
I told you once I'd do anything in the world for her.
You've proven that.
Honestly, you wouldn't know me. I'm a changed man.
I may not be any better, but at least I'm different.
I'm so glad.
You know, you were right about Reno.
It's a fascinating place. So charming and-
- Susan, darling- - Ah, Tommy, please.
Do we have to go through with this?
Richard is waiting in the courtroom to marry me.
He's going to take me back to the Orient with him.
Oh.
I see.
Well, I guess that's that, isn't it?
I'm sorry.
Sorrier than I can say.
Everyone rise. Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye.
The District Court of the County of Washaw, State of Nevada...
is now in session, the HonorableJ.G. Booth, Judge, presiding.
Be seated, please.
The case of Randall vs. Randall.
- Any witnesses for plaintiff? - None, Your Honor. The case is uncontested.
In that case, the court would like to call a witness of its own.
But, Your Honor, the case is uncontested.
I said the court will call a witness of its own. Miss Barbara Randall.
Oh. Please, Your Honor. We don't want her mixed up in this.
The witness will take the stand. The defendant will please be seated.
Raise your right hand, please.
Uh, I think we can dispense with the oath.
Yes, Your Honor.
Now, Miss Randall-
You can call me Ching-Ching, Judge.
Thank you. Now, Ching-Ching...
plaintiff alleges general incompatibility.
Have you ever noticed any evidence of such a condition...
existing between the parties to this action?
To my knowledge, the contestants in this action...
have manifested nothing but the most harmonious...
cordial and friendly feelings toward each other.
- But, Your Honor, I object. - Who are you, young man?
Why, uh, I'm engaged to the plaintiff.
Engaged? To a married woman?
This court recognizes no such engagement.
Now, Ching-Ching...
have either of the parties in this action ever evidenced by their conduct...
any proper legal ground for divorce?
There's utterly no ground for disturbing the marital status of the contestants.
That is most irregular, Your Honor. The child plainly doesn't know what she is saying.
Oh, yes, she does. Tell the court.
Isn't this divorce action the result of two grown-up people behaving like stubborn children...
refusing to break down and admit that they're in love with each other?
The allegations of the complaint...
insofar as it refers to, uh- uh-
Matrimony.
Huh?
Matrimony.
Oh, yes.
Insofar as it refers to macaroni-
Macaroni? There. See, Your Honor?
The child has obviously been coached.
I was not.
I just forgot what the judge told me to say.
Is counsel intimating that the witness is lying?
- Counsel charges just that. - Have you any witnesses to disprove her testimony?
- Why, uh- - Do you wish to testify that this child was lying?
Why, uh, no, of course not.
Then you admit that you love Mrs. Randall?
She knows I do.
And you, Mrs. Randall- Do you wish to attack this child's veracity?
Why, no. Certainly not.
Then you admit that you love your husband?
Well, yes, I do.
Then what's all this nonsense about?
- Divorce denied. - Oh, but-
Take your child and go home, both of you, where you belong.
Your Honor, what about me?
My advice to you, young man, is to stop tampering with the affections of married women.
- Well, we did it, didn't we? - You bet we did.
Judge, you're simply stravagant.
♪Make my mommy's life a song♪
♪Keep my daddy safe and strong♪
♪Let me have them all year long♪
♪That's what I want for Christmas♪
♪Let my dolls be made of rags♪
♪Fireman hats of paper bags♪
♪Just write love on the greeting tags♪
♪That's what I want for Christmas♪
♪It's a happy holiday♪
♪Every heart is light and gay♪
For, Santa Claus you're kind, I'm sure §
♪To young and old or rich and poor♪
♪Won't you please for goodness sakes♪
♪Do away with tummy aches♪
♪Give out lots of lucky breaks♪
♪That's what I want for Christmas♪
♪Yes, that's what I want for Christmas♪
♪I don't want electric trains♪
♪Twenty-dollar aeroplanes♪
♪Free our friends from aches and pains♪
That's what I want for Christmas §
♪I like pretty shoes to wear♪
♪But if I could give a pair♪
♪To poor little children everywhere♪
♪That's what I want for Christmas♪
♪When the reindeer passed my house♪
♪I was quiet as a mouse♪
♪But in my dreams I seem to see♪
♪Marching round the Christmas tree♪
♪Animals that never bite♪
♪Never giving any fright♪
♪Soldier boys who never fight♪
♪That's what I want for Christmas♪
♪Yes, that's what I want for Christmas♪